There’s something profoundly exhausting about the way life can throw you a curve ball in the form of something fantastic. Take my life for example, almost six months ago I found myself doing something I had always dreamed of, I quit my fucking soulless job and I made the decision to concentrate on working on the one thing I had always enjoyed my whole life, writing. I know, that’s not really that big a thing, not for you anyway, but for me, it was life changing. Two weeks after I made the move my wife left me for my older brother Dean, the fucking sleazy piece of shit, I always knew she fancied him, the fucking whore, she couldn’t keep her legs together even if she tried, unless of course I was in the room, and then it became fridge fucking city. But I rolled with the punches, I mean, I didn’t have any real choice but not to, a month after she left I found out that her leaving me was the best thing she ever did as not only had I managed to write something that people would actually be interested in, but I had written a full fucking book, in one month. I was over the moon and went out to celebrate, normally it would be me and Dean, but seeing as the piece of shit was balls deep in my wife I decided to go out by myself, live a little and see what the world has to offer me now that I was, in my own eyes, a true artist.
That’s when I met my curve ball, Sonia, five foot nothing, a nice rack and an arse that could thump against my groin any day. She, came over, swinging her little arse, and I couldn’t help but notice her. She sat down next to me and for an hour or more we sat there and talked, she had just come out of a short term relationship that had ended well before it had begun and was looking for the one, the man who would pick her up and show her the world. I’ve got to be honest, right then and there I wanted to give her everything she wanted and more, and I know where you think this is going, but it’s not, we didn’t fuck, we could’ve, but we decided it was better to see where it was going to lead. So for the next month we spent a lot of time together, between her working and my writing we found a great way to balance our time. Eventually somewhere in it all we ended up in bed and it was awesome, I knew she was going to feel good, but she felt better.
And that’s when it happened, I received a call about my manuscript, not just a hi, how are you call, this was a we want to publish your book, and we won’t take no for an answer call. Three hundred thousand dollars later and I was signed and sealed, I didn’t tell Sonia about any of it as I wanted it all to be a surprise when the book came out. The release date was an anxious wait, I tried so hard to keep it a secret but she started to get suspicious of where I was going every few days, and who was calling me every few hours, well she was over the moon, I mean, really over the moon. We fucked hard, right there, in the hallway, and it was great.
So this morning, after the long wait, my book hit the stands and it was selling out like it was going out of style, the word my agent used was gangbusters, but I like the old words. Anyway, what prompted me to write this little piece, was I received a phone call, from my wayward wife, it seems Dean had dumped her for some trashy stripper and she had nowhere to go, and wanted to come home. I told her she was more than welcome back, as it was her home, I mean, technically we owned it together, but that wasn’t what I was looking for at the time. She broken down and swore it would never happen again and I was the only man she ever truly loved. I hung up the phone and waited for Sonia to get out of the shower and I told her all about the phone call, every word, she got a bit standoffish and asked was this it? Is this how it was going to end between us? That’s when I said it, I mean, I think I meant to, I knew I meant it, anyway, when the wife walked in the door all flowers and champagne, she left pretty quickly, because I was balls deep.